I am 23. This is my new life.

 I am 23, the age when the adulthood border is opened. Everyone has a different timeline in the whole life, but 23 is my adulthood borderline.

Family

I moved out of my home, my college, staying in a new rental apartment crossing the equator from my family. First time renting a place myself, sharing a flat with my close friend and all from scratch.

Facing the passing of my beloved and super super close grandpa (which I still couldn't accept the fact); trying to give support to my grandma who is feeling lonely and sad, yet I am not there for her when she needs my physical accompany, and trying to support my father who is undergoing target therapy while I could not any physical help as I am living away from home. 

In front of my family, I feel selfish, irresponsible, ungrateful and helpless. 23 is a transformation period and I do hope that the transformed future will be happy and satisfying.

Relationship

I have been single for my whole life. I am 23 and am struggling to last a long and trustful relationship with others. I can make friends with strangers very easily, but it comes to guys that I like, I struggle to build more in-depth relationships. I am insecure that's the fact and inconfident that's another fact. I tried dating app and it did hurt my feelings and I couldn't easily build a bond with guys when the app is basically promoting attraction on looks first than personality.

I started all sentences with "I" which reveals my single relationship life. My relationship life right now is indeed messed up in a way that it's only me involved.

Career

My career couldn't be a stronger point for me right now as I just started my full-time job in a big company this year. The company has a lot of resources to support my professional growth and I could see a nice prospect in front of me. Yet, I have to accept the overtime working hours and heavy workloads and stresses.

I will overcome this while having that loneliness in my broken heart.